


wish i were

by caniculeo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, High School, Inarizaki!Hinata, M/M, Slice of Life, Unrequited Love, atsumu is a good big brother, based on natura-turally by ichikawa kei!, one-sided atsuhina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27195908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caniculeo/pseuds/caniculeo
Summary: Atsumu and Osamu have always liked the same things.haikyuu angst week day 1 - unrequited love
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Osamu
Comments: 36
Kudos: 486
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	wish i were

**Author's Note:**

> please read the tags! this is unrequited atsuhina. 
> 
> optional, recommended listening is just [heather](https://open.spotify.com/track/4xqrdfXkTW4T0RauPLv3WA?si=tvOSC9yhRY6DO7OEo1E13A) by conan gray on loop. that's pretty much what i listened to while writing the end, anyways. thus the title.

Atsumu and Osamu have always liked the same things. 

It’s why they fight so often, over stolen pudding and sweaters and other stupid little possessions that they both have their hearts set on. It’s also why they get along so well—there’s always somebody to talk to about their hobbies and passions, to enjoy themselves with. There’s a balance of sorts, Atsumu supposes. The pros and cons of having a carbon copy of yourself at your side. 

One day, they’re at each other’s throats again during lunch because Osamu’s accusing Atsumu of stealing his favourite pencil, which he apparently _needs_ for passing the math test next period, but that’s total bullshit because Atsumu’s always had it (okay, maybe not), and jeez, it’s just a pencil—

“Osamu!” one of their classmates calls from the doorway. “Some first-year wants to talk to you!” 

Osamu takes this opportunity to wrest the pencil from Atsumu’s grip. “Okay,” he calls, and makes a run for the door. 

“Oh no, you don’t—” 

Atsumu follows right on Osamu’s heels. He half-tackles Osamu into the hallway, and they stumble gracelessly in front of the aforementioned first-year. Atsumu stops for a second to scrutinize him. The boy is unfamiliar—Atsumu would’ve remembered that shock of red hair, those expressive, too-big eyes if he’d ever seen them before. He’s small too, even for his age, and Atsumu finds himself looking down on him. 

“Hi, Osamu-san,” the boy says, a little breathlessly. “Atsumu-san.” 

“Sorry, do I know you?” Osamu asks. He’s trying to stick the pencil in his pocket, but Atsumu has his hand around Osamu’s wrist, and they’re in a deadlock of sorts. 

“No, you don’t,” Atsumu says. He looks down at the boy, feeling a little impatient. “Who are you? What do you want?” 

The boy shifts from foot-to-foot, swallowing. “I’m Hinata Shouyou,” he says. “I’m in first year.” 

“Okay?” Osamu says. _And_? 

“I just wanted—” Hinata swallows again. “Does Atsumu-san have to be here too?” 

“What,” Atsumu says, finally managing to wrest the pencil from Osamu’s hands. “Should I not be?” 

“I mean, I only asked for Osamu-san,” Hinata says, a little sheepishly. 

“So did our mother,” Osamu mutters, and Atsumu elbows him in the gut. 

This makes Hinata laugh. He seems like the kind of boy who laughs at anything and everything. “Well,” he says. “Might as well get it over with, then.”

Osamu frowns. “What do you mean—” 

“Osamu-san,” Hinata says, turning to him. His ears are almost as red as his hair, but his voice is steady, if quiet. “I like you.” 

Atsumu blinks, shocked into silence. The lucky pencil drops onto the floor unceremoniously, rolling slowly and steadily down the hallway like it has a mind of its own. 

Predictably, Osamu makes Atsumu leave him and Hinata alone after that. So Atsumu waits at his desk, staring out at the window and occasionally peeking at Osamu’s math notes. Osamu stays out in the hallway for at least ten more minutes—he’s always had too much patience for confessions and the like—and by the time he returns, it’s time for the next period to start. Atsumu only gets a chance to ask about it when they’re walking back from school. 

“Hey, did that first-year ask you out?” 

Osamu looks as nonchalant as ever. “Shouyou-kun? Yeah.”

“Did you say yes?”

“No, I don’t even know him. And you know I don’t wanna date anyone.” Osamu pauses, almost a little wary. “I did tell him he could come to the movies with us on the weekend, though.” 

Atsumu frowns, more than a little annoyed. “You—what the hell? Why’d you do that?” Going to the movies on the weekend is _their_ thing, has been since they’d been old enough to get an allowance. 

“He’s… interesting,” Osamu says, shrugging. “I think he’d be fun to hang out with.” 

“He seems annoying,” Atsumu says, a little witheringly. “First-years are all annoying.”

Osamu rolls his eyes. “You,” he says, flicking Atsumu on the forehead, “don’t have the right to call anyone annoying.” 

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Atsumu demands, trying to flick Osamu back. 

“It means you’re annoying.” 

Atsumu scowls. “And you’re not?” 

Osamu ignores the retort. “Shouyou-kun said he’d like to get to know you better, too,” he says. “He thinks you’re cool or something.” 

“Oh,” Atsumu says, blinking. He feels reluctantly appeased. “Well, I _guess_ he can come.” And then, “But just this once. And he’s paying for his own ticket.” 

The weekend rolls around, sunny and bright, and Atsumu would be in high spirits if he weren’t still a little irked about Osamu inviting Hinata to the movies. But hey, at least it’s just the one time. So Atsumu grits his teeth and prepares to be as obnoxious as possible. People who crush on Osamu always have something against him, for some reason. Atsumu’s not sure why, but then again, he doesn’t really care. 

They meet Hinata at the theatre—he’s there already waiting for them, dressed in an oversized hoodie that makes him look even smaller than he is. He blushes when he sees Osamu, and he smiles when he greets the both of them. God, does the kid ever stop smiling? What’s there to smile about, anyways? 

“I get to pick today,” Atsumu announces. Osamu opens his mouth to retort, but Atsumu glares at him, dares him to say anything. 

Osamu relents. “Fine.” 

Atsumu chooses the sappiest, most-stupid looking romcom there is. Osamu looks like he wants to punch something. 

“Oh, you like this kind of stuff, Atsumu-san?” Hinata asks, earnest. “That’s unexpected.” 

“What?” Atsumu says, realizing his plan has backfired a little. “No. Mind your own business.” 

Osamu snickers. “Don’t be rude.” He turns to Hinata. “Don’t let him bully you, Shouyou-kun. Or at least bully him back. It’s easy.”

Hinata laughs, eyes bright. “Okay,” he says. “If you say so!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Atsumu grumbles. He’s tired of the two of them already—Osamu’s teasing, Hinata’s starry-eyed admiration. Seriously, what is Hinata so happy for? _He rejected you, idiot_ , Atsumu thinks spitefully. 

Osamu makes Atsumu buy their snacks before they make their way to their theatre, which is all the way in the back. Atsumu does his best to somehow hold two bags of popcorn and two large drinks, trying not to make a fool of himself. Theatre food is stupid expensive. If he spills the popcorn, he _will_ eat it off the ground, no questions asked.

“Do you need some help, Atsumu-san?” Hinata says, polite. 

Atsumu almost rolls his eyes. He hates people being fake-nice more than pretty much anything in the world. Osamu’s admirers all act like that with him; for some reason, they think they need to get on Atsumu’s good side so that Osamu will like them back. This isn’t even true. Osamu won’t like them back anyways. 

“No,” Atsumu says curtly, and walks faster. He hears Osamu sigh. 

There are a surprising amount of people at their showing, and it takes them a little while to find three empty seats. Atsumu and Hinata settle in on either side of Osamu, and Atsumu is already rolling his eyes during the trailers because Hinata is the type who talks _way_ too much during movies. And Osamu is humouring him, nudging Atsumu to try and get him to talk too. 

The movie… ends up to be surprisingly good. Atsumu’s almost annoyed at how good it is—he’s not here to have a good time, for heaven’s sake. But he finds himself being absorbed in the plot anyways. At the end of the movie, the three of them stay to watch the credits. Atsumu hears someone sniffling. 

“Are you—” He stares at Hinata, genuinely incredulous. “Are you crying?”

Hinata doesn’t look at him, hiding behind his hands. “It was _sad_ , okay?” he says, and he sounds surprisingly defiant. 

Atsumu almost laughs, but then Osamu gives him a look. He seems amused too, though. 

“Okay, okay,” Atsumu says, hiding a smile. “Sorry, Shouyou-kun. I guess it was a little sad.” It really hadn’t been. “Let’s go for food after this, Samu. I’m starving.” 

They walk Hinata to the bus stop before they go to lunch. Hinata’s just about recovered by now from his whole crying session, sipping cheerfully on his leftover drink from the theatre. When the bus comes, he looks as rosy-cheeked and pleased as ever.

“See you next weekend, Osamu-san!” Hinata says when he gets on his bus, grinning. “Atsumu-san! Thanks for the movie—it was really fun!”

The bus doors close, and the vehicle drives away with a growl of the engine. 

“Next weekend?” Atsumu says testily. 

Osamu shrugs. “What,” he says. “He’s fun, isn’t he?” 

“He’s okay,” Atsumu mumbles reluctantly. “I guess.” 

They don’t actually have to wait until next weekend to see Hinata again. He finds them after school one day, and talks to them excitedly about a new animated movie that’s coming out soon. It also turns out that they walk part of the same route from school, so he joins them for that, too.

Hinata must be truly, desperately into Osamu, since he’s not even hanging out with them because he doesn’t have other friends. It turns out he’s actually pretty popular and well-liked among his peers. This is painfully obvious when the three of them walk home together, and Hinata greets every other person they pass by. He’s amiable and friendly. It isn’t too hard to see why Osamu wants to be friends with him. 

On the other hand, Atsumu is still adamant about disliking Hinata, even if he’s the only person Atsumu’s ever met who laughs at his jokes willingly. He’s probably faking it, though. All in all, it’s kind of weird. Most people—especially those who are around for Osamu—give up on pretending to like Atsumu a few days or so after meeting him. But Hinata really keeps it up. He never ignores Atsumu, never leaves him out of the conversation. When Atsumu makes a cutting remark, Hinata just laughs, like it’s endearing or something. Or if Atsumu is being particularly obnoxious, he might pout and stick his tongue out, but he never actually gets angry or irritated. 

This kind of bothers Atsumu. It feels like he’s finally met his match—he doesn’t know how to deal with people like Hinata, who are earnest and kind to the point of stupidity. But, well. It’s fine. Once Hinata realizes that Osamu will never like him back, he’ll be gone like everyone else. 

Good riddance. Atsumu gives him a month at most. 

On the weekend, they meet Hinata at the movies again, and this time Osamu gets to pick what to watch. Afterwards, he invites Hinata to lunch too ( _it’s rude not to, Tsumu_ ), and the three of them end up at the pizza place on the same block. 

Osamu leaves Atsumu and Hinata to buy food while he goes to the bathroom. Atsumu orders for both himself and Osamu—they always get the same thing—and sits down with their food while Hinata gets his own. In a few minutes, Hinata sits down across from him. He’s looking at Atsumu. Atsumu can feel it, but he ignores him pointedly in favour of scrolling on his phone. 

“You don’t like me very much, do you, Atsumu-san?” Hinata finally says, playing with his straw. He doesn’t sound too upset, though. Just curious. “Do you hate me?”

“Hate’s a strong word,” Atsumu says, not looking up. “But I don’t like you all that much, no.” He takes a sip of his own drink. “And you don’t actually like me either, so it’s fine.” 

“What? Who said I don’t like you?” Hinata asks, looking genuinely puzzled. 

Atsumu blinks, looks up. “I mean—I thought you’d want to get rid of me, at least,” he says, a little taken aback. 

Hinata laughs. “Why would I want that?” 

“Well, don’t you wanna be alone with Samu?” 

“I do!” Hinata says. “I do. But it’s great like this too, you know?” He grins. “You’re really fun to be around, Atsumu-san. I like it when you’re here.”

It’s kind of disconcerting—this kind of open, honest admiration. Atsumu doesn’t quite know what to do with himself for a second. “You’re just saying that,” he says after a moment, reluctantly flattered. 

“No, I’m not,” Hinata says, still smiling. God, it’s like looking into the sun. Atsumu turns away, at a loss for words. His ears are getting warm. Thankfully, Osamu chooses that moment to return, settling down next to Atsumu. He frowns. 

“Tsumu, you didn’t pick a fight, did you?” Osamu asks, staring at Atsumu. 

Atsumu splutters. “Why would I—”

“He told me he didn’t like me very much, Osamu-san,” Hinata says, grinning deviously at Atsumu. “Which is sad, because I wanna be his friend and all.” 

Osamu flicks Atsumu on the forehead, and Atsumu recoils. “Don’t be rude, Tsumu,” Osamu says. 

“I wasn’t being rude—I was just telling the _truth—_ ”

“No, I think you were being pretty rude, Atsumu-san,” Hinata says, almost mischievous. 

Osamu flicks Atsumu again. Atsumu grabs his wrist and pins it to his side. 

“Screw you both,” Atsumu says. “I don’t like either of you.” He glares at Osamu, who scowls and pulls his wrist out of Atsumu’s grip. “Happy?”

Hinata laughs. “It’s okay,” he says. “You don’t _have_ to like me, Atsumu-san. I’m fine with that. It’s just—well, I’d rather know why you don’t, you know?” He takes a bite of his pizza. “Ooh, this is really good!” 

Osamu brightens. “Right?” he says, pleased in that quiet way of his. “Tsumu and I found this place last summer…”

As they talk, Atsumu takes a bite of his own pizza, ruminating silently. He’d only really disliked Hinata because he’d single-mindedly believed that Hinata had disliked him first, had found him a nuisance like most people do. Now that Atsumu knows that Hinata actually enjoys his company, he’s having trouble finding any proper reasons to fuel his animosity. Actually, he finds himself feeling a little guilty about the whole thing. 

_I don’t not like you,_ Atsumu half wants to say to Hinata. _Not anymore, anyways._ But that’s embarrassing and humiliating, and Osamu’s here, so no way is any of that coming out of Atsumu’s mouth. 

Instead, when they’re at the bus stop waiting for Hinata’s bus, Atsumu simply says, “Shouyou-kun, you can pick the movie next time. If you want.” 

Both Hinata and Osamu turn to look at him. “Really?” Hinata asks, beginning to grin. 

His open joy feels a little embarrassing. “Just make sure it’s good,” Atsumu says, pointedly looking down at his phone. 

“I will!” Hinata says, and bounces on his toes until his bus arrives. “See you next week, Osamu-san! Atsumu-san!” he calls, waving before going inside into the vehicle. 

Osamu waves back. So does Atsumu. 

“I thought you said you didn’t like him,” Osamu says, somehow managing to convey a shit-eating grin in his voice. 

“Oh, shut up already,” Atsumu growls, annoyed. “What, am I not allowed to change my mind about things?”

“Relax, Tsumu. I’m not making fun of you.” 

“Bullshit, you look stupid happy—” 

Still arguing, the two of them make their way home under the bright blue sky. 

“Hey,” Hinata says, “which one of you is the older one?” 

They’re hanging out at school after classes, sitting three to a desk—Osamu likes to do his homework in the empty classrooms, and Atsumu will stick around so they can walk home together. Lately, Hinata’s joined them for this as well, and Atsumu has to admit that it’s more fun with him around. 

“I’m older,” Atsumu proclaims.

Osamu sighs, sounding exasperated. He doesn’t look up from his homework. “By seven _minutes_.”

“Yeah, it’s why I’m so mature and responsible.” 

“You literally stole my pudding yesterday. You tackled me over a pencil—”

“La la la la,” Atsumu says, sing-song. “I can’t hear you!” 

Osamu rolls his eyes. “ _So_ mature and responsible,” he mutters. 

Hinata laughs, delighted. He always seems to enjoy these little back-and-forths between Atsumu and Osamu. 

“Do you have siblings too, Shouyou-kun?” Osamu asks, finally looking up. 

“Oh, yeah!” Hinata says. “I have a little sister—her name’s Natsu. She’s fun, but annoying sometimes. Or at least, it’s annoying that I have to give her stuff all the time, just because she’s younger.” He makes a face. “She gets _everything_.” 

Atsumu nods wisely and pokes Osamu. “Sounds like someone I know.” 

“When have you ever given me anything?” Osamu demands, glaring at him. “Seriously. Tell me. I’ll give it back right fucking now.” He goes back to work, flipping to a new page in his math notebook. “Actually, just stop talking. I’m thinking about it and you piss me off.” 

“Can I talk?” Hinata asks, grinning. 

“You can always talk,” Osamu says. 

Hinata giggles, obviously pleased, and sticks his tongue out at Atsumu. Atsumu glares back at him and kicks gently at his ankle. Hinata gasps, mock-affronted, and kicks back. 

“Violence isn’t the answer, Shouyou-kun,” Atsumu says, kicking him again. 

“Then stop kicking me!” Hinata says, grinning. 

“Okay,” Atsumu says, and kicks him. But his aim is a little off, and he clips Osamu’s ankle by accident. 

“Alright,” Osamu says, and it’s almost laughable how quickly Hinata’s attention is on him, his eyes brightening. “We’re going home. I can’t do any work with you both like this.” 

“It’s not my fault Shouyou-kun’s so _annoying_ , Samu,” Atsumu says. Hinata sticks his tongue out at Atsumu again: _bleh_. 

“Keep me out of this,” Osamu says, and he sounds strangely more irritated than usual. Or maybe Atsumu’s imagining it. 

The three of them start heading home, Hinata excitedly chatting to both of them about how he’d fallen asleep in class only to be woken up by falling entirely out of his chair. Osamu laughs and fusses a little out of concern, Atsumu listens and teases, and it’s fun. It really is fun. 

In the coming weeks, the three of them usually hang out together, but sometimes, Osamu has cleaning duty at the end of the day, and Atsumu and Hinata are left alone to wait for him.

“Why do you like him so much?” Atsumu asks one day, genuinely curious. “Samu, I mean.”

Hinata tilts his head. “Why do I like him?”

“Yeah. Like—you never even talked to him before, right?” 

“No, not really, but—” Hinata interlaces his own fingers together, looks down at his hands almost shyly. “Well, he’s nice. Really nice.” 

Atsumu almost scoffs. “Nice?”

“Yeah,” Hinata says. “He’s just—always helping people, you know? I see him when he passes by my class, and it’s like—every time, he’s helping someone with their books, or carrying their bag or something.” 

“You know he only does that so people will like him, right?” Atsumu asks, a little scathingly. 

Hinata shrugs. “I mean, I’ll take your word for it,” he says. “But is that really so bad?” 

“I just—” Atsumu blinks, a little taken aback. “I just think it’s a stupid reason to like someone just because they’re nice. That’s all.” 

Hinata gives him a look. “Are you calling me stupid?”

“I guess I am,” Atsumu says. 

Hinata narrows his eyes, and Atsumu thinks for a moment, _oh no, I’ve really made him mad_. But then Hinata bursts out laughing. “Well, maybe you’re right. But do you really need a proper reason to like someone?” he says, smiling. “I just really like Osamu-san, that’s all. Even if he’s not all nice. I don’t think about it too much—I just feel it, and I know: I like him. I really, really like him.”

Atsumu must be making a disgusted face unconsciously, because Hinata pokes him in the cheek. 

“Don’t look like that,” he says reproachfully. “What, haven’t you ever liked anyone, Atsumu-san?”

Atsumu shakes his head. “It’s usually the other way around,” he says. 

“Oh, wow,” Hinata says, grinning. “Miya Atsumu-san, high school heartbreaker—”

“Shut _up_ ,” Atsumu says, a little embarrassed. He pushes Hinata gently, but Hinata just laughs. “That’s not what I meant, you’re so _annoying_ —”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m annoying,” Hinata says, dancing out of Atsumu’s reach, “you don’t like me, blah blah—”

“Seriously?” Osamu says, coming out of the classroom. He sounds tired: _are you guys fighting_ again?

There’s a special smile, Atsumu notices, that Hinata reserves especially for Osamu. It is impossibly adoring, a little softer than his usual ebullience. For some reason, it makes Atsumu feel a little wistful. 

“Oh, you’re done, Osamu-san?” Hinata says, bounding to Osamu’s side. 

“Yeah,” Osamu says fondly, and reaches out to ruffle Hinata’s hair. Atsumu watches as Hinata preens under the attention. “Let’s go home.” 

It’s a little hard to know what Osamu’s thinking these days. They don’t spend as much time alone as they used to, not with Hinata hanging around half the time. So for the first time in a while, Atsumu finds that he actually needs to ask Osamu what he’s thinking of. 

“Samu,” he says. 

It’s nighttime—they’re both in their bunk beds. Atsumu can tell by the sound of Osamu’s breathing that he isn’t quite asleep yet.

“What?” Osamu sounds a little tired, a little irritated. 

“Why’d you really invite Shouyou-kun to the movies that first time?” Atsumu asks. “Right after he confessed to you. You don’t do that for anyone else.” 

“Ugh,” Osamu says. “What’s this about?” 

“Just tell me.” 

“Like I said,” Osamu says, exasperated, “I thought he’d seem fun to be around. I wanted us to be friends. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Tsumu, but we don’t have a lot of those.” 

“But he likes you,” Atsumu says, and he’s a little surprised to realize he’s actually angry. “He likes you, and you rejected him, and you still asked him to hang out because he’s _fun_? You don’t think that’s—I don’t know, selfish?”

“But he said he was okay with it,” Osamu says, sounding defensive, the hostility rising in his voice. “He said he wanted to come. That he wanted to be friends.” 

“Still, you shouldn’t lead him on,” Atsumu says. “Even if he said it was okay—”

“I’m not—leading him on,” Osamu says a little weakly. And then his voice hardens, becomes more hostile. “So—what? You want me to tell Shouyou-kun we can’t be friends anymore?” 

“No, no, I—” Atsumu sighs, feels the anger seep out of him. “I just don’t want him to get hurt.” 

“Me neither,” Osamu says, voice soft. “I still wanna see him, that’s all.” A pause. “Actually, I might—” He cuts himself off. 

“You what?” Atsumu asks. 

“Nothing,” Osamu says. “Never mind.” A soft exhale. “But I—I won’t hurt him, okay? Promise.” 

“Okay,” Atsumu says. 

They’re both silent for another moment, before Osamu speaks again. “Since when did you care so much about this stuff, Tsumu?” 

“Well, I just—” Atsumu doesn’t quite know how to answer. “Shouyou-kun’s nice,” he finally says. “He’s just nice, that’s all.” 

After that, Osamu is quieter, Atsumu notices. More so than usual. Contemplative, even. It’s easy to tell that he has something on his mind, though he refuses to say much to Atsumu about it. Things are strange, uncomfortable. They’ve never been used to hiding secrets from each other, and something about the whole situation makes Atsumu feel tight in his chest. 

It is Hinata who manages to draw the truth from Osamu—of course it is. Hinata inspires honesty, is unafraid to brave embarrassment and awkwardness to reach the truth. Maybe that’s why Osamu likes him so much. 

“What’s wrong, Osamu-san?” Hinata asks. “Why do you look so upset?”

Osamu puts down his pencil—Atsumu had returned it a couple weeks ago. Closes his math notebook. His brow is furrowed. “Am I being that obvious?” he asks. 

No, he’s not. But Atsumu supposes that it’s only natural that Hinata can tell too, Hinata who’s been looking at Osamu for so long. 

Hinata smiles, shrugs. “You don’t have to tell me,” he says. “Not if you don’t want to. But you can if it’ll make you feel better. I like seeing you happy.” He catches Atsumu’s eye. “I’m sure Atsumu-san does, too.”

Atsumu looks away. For some reason, it’s been hard to look Hinata in the eye lately. 

“Sorry,” Osamu says. “I just—” He looks up to meet Hinata’s gaze. “Shouyou-kun, did I hurt you?” he asks, the words rushing out of his mouth like they do sometimes when he’s embarrassed, uncomfortable. “When I asked you to be my friend. Am I—am I hurting you now?” 

Hinata blinks, seemingly taken aback. Osamu’s words hang in the air, lingering, and Atsumu has never seen him so openly vulnerable, so exposed. He half wants to say something stupid and make everything normal again, because he too feels a dull discomfort in his chest, one that he doesn’t quite understand. 

“No,” Hinata finally says, his voice gentle. “No, you’re not hurting me, Osamu-san. And you didn’t hurt me back then, either.” He tilts his head. “Well, maybe a little, when you rejected me—that’s not your fault, though. But if you’re asking if I’m hurt just because I’m your friend and nothing more, then no.” He is smiling, warm and bright like the afternoon sun that shines in through the classroom window, the same sun that gilds his hair. “I really like being friends with you, and I really like hanging out with you and Atsumu-san. I don’t care if you like me back or not, so—don’t stress about that, okay? I just—I want you to be happy.” 

“Oh,” Osamu says, his expression nearly unreadable. “Okay.” And then, quietly, almost a murmur, “You really don’t care? If I like you back or not?”

Atsumu feels a shiver run down his back. He should leave. He should leave. 

“Do you want me to care?” Hinata asks, voice lower than usual. 

Osamu blinks a couple times, a deer in the headlights, and Hinata relents. “Sorry, that wasn’t fair,” he says, smiling again. “I just—I like you, Osamu-san. That’s all. Don’t think about it if it bothers you.” He turns to Atsumu. “So, Atsumu-san, what movie—”

“Shouyou-kun,” Osamu says. “When you say you like me, what do you mean?”

Hinata turns back to Osamu and smiles. His eyes are soft but bright, like he’s just realized something. “Well,” he says slowly, “I just—I really want to be with you, I guess. I also think about you a lot. Like—all the time. And I want to hold your hand and kiss you. The normal stuff, you know?”

Atsumu sees Osamu’s face take on the slightest blush, sees his lips parting, and he can’t help but feel suffocated. He knows what is happening. He’s probably known even before now, has been dreading it every single minute, but he’s never let himself wonder why—why—

“You want to kiss me,” Osamu finally says, sounding half-curious, half-wondering. 

“I do,” Hinata says. He’s still smiling—that soft smile reserved only for Osamu, full of fondness and affection. Almost imperceptibly, he leans in towards Osamu. “Of course I do.”

Atsumu cannot bear it any longer. He gets to his feet, pushing his chair back noisily, and rushes out of the room, into the hall, barely even seeing where he’s going. Somehow, he makes it outside to the school entrance, which is empty and quiet. Atsumu just stands there under the blue, blue sky, staring at the ground. His heart pounds dizzyingly in his chest; his hands are shaking and cold. He feels sick. He feels like he could die. 

When the door beside him eventually opens, Atsumu barely registers it. And then there’s the muted hue of sunset at the corner of his eye. 

“Oh, you’re here, Atsumu-san,” Hinata says, voice bright and beautiful. 

Atsumu doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t look at Hinata; he cannot bear to. 

“You were really considerate,” Hinata continues. “Thank you.” 

“Whatever,” Atsumu says, voice hoarse. “I just didn’t wanna see you guys being gross.”

A pause. “Okay. Sorry.”

“Stop talking to me. Go away already. You’re annoying.” 

“Atsumu-san,” Hinata says, and the kindness in his voice—the sheer fondness—stings like an open wound. “You know, I think would’ve fallen for you. If things were different.” 

God, Hinata and his kind, cruel honesty. The way he sees through all of Atsumu’s lies with nothing more than a glance. “I said,” Atsumu half-whispers, “stop talking to me. I hate you.” 

“It’s just—” Hinata exhales. “You know, don’t you? I’m sorry.”

Atsumu almost cannot speak. “Go _away_.”

“Okay,” Hinata says, finally relenting. A pause. “I really am sorry, Atsumu-san.” And he tiptoes to press a kiss to Atsumu’s cheek, petal-soft and tender. A consolation and an apology all at once. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

He leaves Atsumu there on the school steps, and the world is so still. So quiet. Atsumu bites his lip, feels the warm wetness of tears on his face, the sob that racks his shoulders. The ache in his chest, deep and persistent. He cannot stop crying, and he hurts all over. He hurts so much that he can’t even imagine not hurting anymore. 

In hindsight, Atsumu really should’ve known. He should’ve seen this coming. After all, he and Osamu have always liked the same things. 

Osamu doesn’t find out about Atsumu crying. For the rest of the evening, he is deep in thought, sometimes absently touching his fingers to his lips. He doesn’t notice anything about anyone, much less the slight swelling of Atsumu’s eyes. But that’s alright, Atsumu thinks. It’s for the better. 

“Tsumu?” 

Atsumu opens his eyes, stares up at his ceiling. It is dark, almost midnight. They should be asleep. “Yeah?” 

“Shouyou-kun, he—” In the moment, Osamu sounds so young. “He kissed me.” 

Atsumu closes his eyes, stifles the sharp pain in his chest. “Okay.” 

A moment of silence. “Tsumu, what do I do?” Osamu finally says, voice breaking. “I don’t know what to do.” 

Atsumu knows—whatever he tells Osamu to do right now, Osamu will listen. _Be selfish,_ an ugly, honest voice in his head screams at him, _be selfish, you’ll regret it if you aren’t—_

Atsumu grits his teeth and pushes it away. He is the older brother. He is mature and responsible. He is the older brother. He is the older brother. 

“What do you mean?” Atsumu asks, trying to keep his voice steady. “You like him, don’t you? And he—he likes you.” 

“I know,” Osamu says. “I know, but I’m scared, I—” 

“Oh, don’t be an idiot,” Atsumu says, opening his eyes. He lets some heat creep into his voice. “What the hell do you have to be scared of? Do you know how much Shouyou-kun likes you? He hung out with me for a whole _two months_ just so he could be with you. So—shut up, Samu. Just shut up.” 

A pause. “Don’t tell me to shut up,” Osamu says, sounding affronted. 

“Shut up.” 

“You shut up,” Osamu says, but he laughs softly. Atsumu smiles, heartsore. 

“It’ll be alright,” he says. “You’ll both be alright. Promise.”

“Okay,” Osamu says. He exhales, quiet in the night. “I just—I’ve never liked anyone before, you know? Not like this, at least.” 

Atsumu closes his eyes. “I know, Samu,” he says. “I know.”

“You sure you’re not coming?” Osamu asks. 

Atsumu shakes his head. It is Saturday, and usually they would be going out to the movies together to meet up with Hinata. But—well, things change. So Atsumu finds himself helping Osamu dress and style his hair, and now he’s watching him about to leave the house. Osamu stands in the entryway, shifting from foot to foot, nervous. 

“You can't bring your brother with you on a date, Samu,” Atsumu says. “That’s just weird.” 

“I know,” Osamu says. He fidgets with his fingers. “I know, but—” 

Atsumu softens. “Fine, you big baby,” he says. “I’ll drop you off at the theatre.” 

The walk to the cinema is short. Osamu is more chatty than usual, perhaps from the nerves, and Atsumu holds his own silence so he can listen. They stop a small distance away from the theatre’s entrance—Atsumu can smell the faint fragrance of popcorn.

“Okay,” Atsumu says. “Don’t be nervous.” 

Osamu gives him a look. “That’s awful advice.” 

“Fine, be nervous. See if I care.” And then Atsumu sees a familiar shock of red hair in the distance, feels his heart in his throat. But he swallows it down. “He’s here, Samu. You’d better get going.” 

Osamu turns, sees Hinata too. He swallows. “Okay. Okay.” He’s already beginning to walk away. “I’ll see you at home!” he calls over his shoulder. 

Atsumu watches as Hinata catches sight of Osamu, watches as he brightens with joy and affection. Osamu is running a hand through his hair awkwardly, saying something, smiling. The two of them make their way towards the entrance, their arms brushing. Hinata takes Osamu’s hand in his own, and they look so natural together that Atsumu finds himself wondering how they’d even taken this long.

He isn’t sad. He won’t let himself be sad, because the sky is blue and lovely, and Osamu is happier than Atsumu has ever seen him, and so is Hinata. But just for a moment, he lets himself imagine that he’s in Osamu’s place, that Hinata is holding his hand and leading him inside the movie theatre, smiling that impossibly beautiful smile that feels like it holds all the warmth in the world. And Atsumu will smile back, will buy Hinata’s ticket and pay for his popcorn like a good date, and they’ll watch the movie with their pinkies touching, and maybe even kiss clumsily in the dark. 

_If only,_ Atsumu thinks, _if only._

There is a single tear on his cheek. He wipes it away gently and takes a deep breath, filling his lungs with sky. The sun is warm on his skin. Atsumu turns around, and heads homeward. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! 
> 
> by now i think most ppl can tell i hate writing abt volleyball. volleyball whomst? idk her
> 
> anyways, this was based on ichikawa kei's one-shot, natura-turally, and also inspired by the quote from villette: "you are good, you are beautiful; but you are not mine." i also kind of wanted to explore atsumu's selfless love.
> 
> shoutout to mys for letting me know that no, this shouldn't be tagged as angst with a happy ending LOL


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